✨✨ No matter how much a women has been stamped down, her inner flame still remains, even if only a small ember. What fans the flame is growing the inner Mother – women who run with the wolves 🐺
These words hit me hard and also make me smile as for many years I tried to bring out the inner mother in me. Although I guess I was always doing it all along, it never felt like I was. Until reaching my mid forties. I know see that no matter how many times I fell down I always somehow managed to get myself back up eventually although some times took much longer than others. Even in my early 40s I would read books about how to nurture that inner mother in me and I just thought it was impossible. Then one day it just clicked for me without even trying to hard. I missed out on having key female players in my life due to the effects of trauma and illness my grandmother who passed away when I was in my 20s I was extremely close to but never got the opportunity to experience her wisdom as a grown women. I wear her necklace that she left me when she passed away, every now and again to remind me of my relationship with her as a little girl and how much of her I carry with me.
We can have extremely complex relationships with the females in our lives because there is a medicine there that we need to explore, experience and share and without these complexities I wouldn’t have been able to develop the relationship I have with myself to such a deep level had I have been given different relationships with my female line. My dharma was to always be my own inner mother….. only as I cross the line between queen and crone energy an I able to bear witness to this unfolding ✨🐺
As we say goodbye to Scorpio season we say goodbye to an old version of ourselves that we had to escape from, we had to shed a skin that was extremely painful to shed. We knew it didn’t fit anymore but we kinda like the way it kept us feeling safe, it keep us feeling ok, but ok is not something the dark feminine can settle for she pushes you to reach out for who you really are, she takes you by the hair screaming and shows you the mirror of your soul. She shows you all the things you want to see and don’t want to see. She makes you cry until you have no tears left to realise and face the truth of who you really are and who you have always been.
The dark feminine won’t stop until you reach your fullest potential. You must admit your bullshit and look at your wounds. She fixes her gaze on you and takes you straight to the underworld.
Scorpio season is intense for a reason.
This season closes out a major chapter of your life.
You have reclaimed yourself in ways you have always been longing for.
You are moving into a new timeline and with that move comes huge changes. Huge releases. Scorpio season has supported us in the closing of the deepest shadow work we have ever done to date. To restore us back to our truth our authentic selves. Deep healing of our greatest wounds. And reevaluating around our purpose and direction in Coming more into Your power and giving yourself the freedom to express yourself more openly and clearly than ever before.
Alignment with your heart and soul ❤️
Thank you Scorpio season for brining me to my knees as this is where we find out who we really are ✨🐺
Do you feel the innate beauty of your soul. The trials and the hardship you have had to over come.. to be who you are now in this precise moment…
The spiritual force inside you driving you to survive and thrive…
Your inner light that keeps burning so bright, even when you do not feel that flame …it’s there.. its burning and shining.. do you see..
Do you see, the capacity you have for holding so much pain, while still growing, and moving forwards.. forever growing even without knowing.
Still whilst holding yourself as your anchor, when no one else understands how strong the rip tides are trying to pull you under.. Do you see….
Holding and containing the wind in your sails hoping one day that wind will again be the wind that helps you back into flight.
Do you see the deep scars that have healed through the courage you gave yourself everyday to wake up and try again. To keep going through it all, the tears of sadness, the tears of joy, the tears of frustration, they have filled you up one by one. Allow them to flow allow them to set you free, my beautiful girl allow them to be…
Do you see how much you have carried that wasn’t even yours.. do you see how even your own mind plays tricks on you just to keep you safe…
Do you see the little girl you once were she is still deep inside begging you to hold her tight, do you see how the years have changed your physical outside but the inside is still the same.
Do you see more than your skin and bones do you see your aura that shines so many different beautiful astonishing colours that spread so far and wide that when you walk in a room people feel you before they see you, do you see it my love…
Do you know how you hold an entire universe inside you and everything you have been searching for, for so long has been with you all along
You were born with such magic please don’t be afraid to see the powerful person your meant to be..
To open yourself up and really see yourself is the gift of this lifetime and when you do don’t be afraid to show yourself to the world.
Do you see the beauty of all that you are your your one and only shining star 🌟
You are not unworthy on days you do nothing, on days you stay in your pjs all day and don’t even brush your hair, you are not unworthy because you have stopped life and decided to go inwards and just rest.
You are not a machine and you have to stop something’s until you feel like you again. That could be a day or it could even be a week or even longer. The Cost of pushing yourself everyday comes with a price eventually, so unless your taking that downtime that much needed rest to be nothing to anyone apart from yourself. For many years I linked my self esteem to my career my role as a area manager this was the hat I put on to feel validated in this world. Then it moved to something else a need to always keep busy and keep going be productive it’s a road to no where fast.
The peri menopause has made me have to slow down the re-evaluate my life from a different perspective. It’s been difficult but also powerful medicine, I’m still tasting. Some days I dislike it others I see and feel and see it’s beauty. I no longer want to filter myself I want to experience the rawness of who I really am. Shedding a skin is painful but powerful once the transition is complete. We cannot go back only forwards. Embrace the new version that is trying to birth through us. They don’t call this stage if life the change for nothing.
A womens ability to intercede with spirit and to heal the body have always been tied up together. The agony of the masculine darkness is teaching us that we need regular descent into the inner darkness of the feminine to stay healthy and whole. We require regular contact with our feminine cores to stay powerful. But the life we now see as normal has been built by the minds of men. Unlearning these old behaviours and replacing them with more health creating practices based on new values takes time, patience, effort, and most of all commitment to self love.
My masculine core was created through years and years of having to look after myself from a young age never having anyone to rely on always guarding my home and my heart. This masculine shield protected me, allowed me to survive and thrive in a masculine world. But slowly that shield damage you. ✨
Healing The mother wound ❤️🩹
A mother’s presence is a powerful thing. It has the strength to uplift and inspire, and the potential to damage and disparage. When the mother is emotionally unavailable, critical, or not attuned to the child’s needs, it plants seeds that can take years to unearth and transform. Being able to recognize and heal childhood wounds can be a challenging process, but with the right support and understanding, you will find healing and peace. The Mother Wound is an attachment trauma that creates a sense of confusion and devastation in the child’s psyche. It instills deeply rooted beliefs that make the child feel unloved, abandoned, unworthy of care, and even fearful of expressing themselves. The wound can be so strong that it unconsciously affects their adult relationships and mental health today.
The Mother Wound can manifest as attachment issues, co-dependent patterns, depression and anxiety, disordered eating, and substance misuse. Mental health challenges that are causing significant distress in daily functioning often drive the adult child to seek professional support.
Overtime, patterns in thinking, feeling, and interpersonal relationships emerge and point to a maternal trauma that needs tending to. Common traits of women who are struggling with a Mother Wound include: Paralyzing Perfectionism, Lack of Self Confidence, Self-Sabotaging Patterns in Interpersonal Relationships, A Cruel Inner Dialogue, Lack of Motivation to Start or Complete New Projects, A Deeply Rooted Feeling of Unworthiness, Fear of Becoming a Mother, A Belief That Nothing Will Ever Be Good Enough Healing from the mother wound is a balance between acknowledging negative feelings such as anger and resentment and recognizing that we may need to forgive our mother.
So how do we get the balance, Express the pain, Love yourself, Develop self-awareness, Parent yourself, Forgiveness, It would be convenient and easy if we could blame all of our faults and failures on our mothers. We can choose to take the steps to heal our own mother wound and to make sure that we don’t pass on this hurt. It’s a challenging journey, but it’s the beginning of empowerment. ✨🔮
Autumn 🍂 is the season that teaches us that change can be beautiful 🍂
Hitting on 40s has been such a transition in my life. mentally, physically, emotionally, physically and spiritually as this month is world menopause month and tomorrow is world menopause day it’s got me reflecting on the changes women face in getting older. Although getting older is such a privilege as some people never are blessed enough to reach these milestones. Women experience such a huge shift in a change, new rights of passage. We always think we will be that headstrong girl in our 20s and even in our early 30s we have no idea what is approaching. It’s such a shift that we really don’t expect.
So many women recently have been approaching me asking for information about peri menopause as late as mid 50s as they haven’t felt right for over ten years. It breaks my heart that these women suffered in silence thinking they were falling apart bit by bit for over a decade. Accepting these changes as just part of life’s journey not knowing that there are things that can help them. Not knowing that peri menopause and menopause can actually be the making of you as a women of experience and wisdom. I am now at my most empowered self. I have wisdom, knowledge and life experience that my younger maiden self craved so much, I am the expansive women she craved to meet on her journey.
Don’t get caught up in society’s norms of thinking youth is the elixir of life, yes youth is beautiful and fun and I thank my younger self for getting me here, she was a brave warrior women, but your 40s and 50s and so on can be the best years of your lives if you get comfortable with being uncomfortable, don’t accept, keep pushing yourself to find out the answers to the questions you have, knowledge is power.
If I had accepted my bone pain, my anxiety, my brain fog, my mood swings, my overwhelming sense of life, my need to be on my own, I would only be living half a life that’s possible for me. My inner voice was telling me go deeper, find out more there is a answer here for you. You just have to dig deeper.
Meet me in the middle of your story, when the soul is worn but wise. 🍂🍂
Menopause / peri menopause the words mean something and nothing, it’s something I just rolled my eyes thinking god surely those women just need to get a grip.. that was until I couldn’t leave my bedroom for nearly two weeks of every month, until I ended up in A+E due to not sleeping for a whole week due to bone pain I had been suffering with in silence for almost four years. I was told it was all in my head and maybe I just need to relax more. Then slowly more and more symptoms were adding to my list. I was only 42 at the time Surely I didn’t need my hormones checked? The GP told me my FSH levels weren’t raised so I wasn’t menopausal so I struggled on for a couple more years. Only experiencing a few days a month where I felt ok, I felt like Lesley. This story is a long and complex one which I will put in my blog if you want to know more deeply what symptoms I experienced and how after receiving bio identical plant based HRT if finally got myself back. The women I thought I had lost through life’s journey not due to low hormones. It saddens me that women go through this for sometimes up to 15 years they lose their jobs, marriages, friends and selves in this change without support and become to accept the person they don’t recognise. Ladies you don’t have to, with the right support and knowledge you can get yourself back. I remember the day I started to feel happy again after the HRT started working and I cried because I forgot how good it felt just to be normally happy. As women we should know in detail about these changes and so many women I speak to haven’t a clue. It’s not your fault. But it’s your choice to learn and ask for help and try new things. I am not menopausal. I still bleed and will for hopefully another ten years but I am peri menopausal which can start 10/15 years before you have menopause. Remember menopause is only one day. Early diagnosis can prevent so many more heartbreaking symptoms. You know when your not yourself but sometimes that can get lost when you let it go in for to long. You don’t need to lose yourselves ladies. It’s a powerful time for a women and to embrace it you need to help yourself. AWARENESS ✨
You are not the first in your lineage to hold spiritual or healing gifts. The lineage you were born into holds healing you are meant to bring to your community and the world.
Healing your divine feminine is held in your female mothers lineage. Looking back through this line will hold lots of answers to your healing and what your supposed to bring forward to this world.
Recently in a personal breathwork ceremony this calling became much strong to me to go search for the answers and connect to my female ancestors. For thousands of years your ancestors were unable to use their voices or shine in their magic for fear of being outcast or persecuted. They were unable to own their sensual energy or be spiritual healers. Today I am able too… this is maybe why I feel the call so strongly to shine and speak my truth for all my female ancestors who had to hold their tongue and hide away. It’s no coincidence that you are here today at this present time to hold space for who have come before you…. And with that comes a responsibility and an opportunity to use your voice, connect with your intuition, express your gifts and to embody your most true empowered self.
What healing do you need to look at through your mothers feminine lineage? Healing this will allow you to step forward to express your divine feminine energies more powerfully that ever before.
This photo was taken on the day before I stepped into my journey child to maiden. This was a powerful moment when the dynamics of my relationship with my mother changed. My female lineage holds lots of grief that I have come to feel abs hold for a long time without understanding why. My great grandmother Catherine was a healer and she holds scared space and protection for me while I step forward at this time to help heal, clear and uncover their forgotten stories and heal a core ancestral wound while awaken ancestral wisdom. 🌙
So yesterday afternoon my moon 🌒 cycle got the better of me and I went from hero to zero just in the space of a few hours. I was a beast to say the least. Hormones are the chemical messengers. I always have tried to override my cycle as a women i power through with my masculine energy. Lately my body won’t allow it. My cycle was always on a full moon 🌕 six months ago it changed to a new moon 🌓 and this month for some reason it seems to want to cycle back towards a full moon 🌕 being early. A quote I love and seems really relevant in these times. A disease can only take hold in a woman when her shanti is depleted and her rhythms are out of sync with mother moon. 💜 look at the world 🌍 around you and observe a multitude of rhythmic cycles. We honour the cycle of the sun ☀️ by sleeping at an appropriate hour. We acknowledge the shifting seasons by favouring a seasonal diet. Each month a woman’s body has the ability to cleanse and rejuvenate itself. Traditional cultures women would come together during the dark and support one another in a journey of deep introspection. Women would be encouraged to look within and bring back guidance. The shanti prana of every women exists within her womb. Her strength is found found here and affects her on every level of her health. When we do not take advantage of this time, we threaten the vital shakti prana that exists inside us. We disturb our energy levels and step out of sync with the natural harmony that amperes to guide us. So when your body is telling you to slow down honour that calling. Today I started my day with divine feminine yoga poses that restore the yin yang life force. 💜💫🌒🧘♀️ #yoga #divinefeminine #yinyang #yinyangyoga #mooncycles #lightseeker
The yoga barn Bail The day I decided to give up alcohol 🌸
Two years ago today this photo was taken in Bali the day I decided to initially give up alcohol for a year to see how my life would change. What I could achieve in a year without alcohol.
I had just visited a spiritual healer and he changed the course of my life in the space of a couple of hours. I knew when I sat eating this meal my life wouldn’t be the same again. Something inside me changed, something finally fitted into place. I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be in that exact moment. A rebirth. An awakening whatever you want to call it. For me it felt like a homecoming and a shedding of a dark shadow I had carried around for too long.
I like everyone else had drunk on and off since I started experimenting with alcohol in my early teens. I didn’t even like the stuff when I first started drinking but as you keep going to keep up with your friends the poison takes hold slowly. Before I knew it I was a party girl drinking most weekends.
Then the bottles of wine at home were the next stage having a few glasses to relax after a stressful day at work. Sometimes I took it to the extreme when feeling lost I would drink until I fell asleep or even blacked out.
Alcohol takes so much away from you. I’ve seen so many successful beautiful people loose everything marriages, jobs, homes, freedom, the list is endless. Alcohol is one of the biggest causes of accidents and deaths in the Uk.
For me thou the saddest thing I see with alcohol is stripping away peoples natural confident aura bit by bit. People think it gives them that extra sparkle but that’s the poison of the drug. It makes you believe something that isn’t real. While is takes away your own natural magic.
Alcohol is such a trap that you can’t see when your in it. It’s only after you come out the other side, that you realise so much. It’s changed so much about me. I finally feel like my authentic self. I’m more confident, less anxiety, a completely different mindset. My physical health and emotional health is a million times better. My body image also as I make better choices with no more binge eating on the days I felt hungover.
This post isn’t about all the positive changes that giving up alcohol can do for you, as I written about this before. Although if you want to change your life, mindset and health I recommend give up alcohol and I can guarantee those changes your always secretly trying to achieve will happen for you.
This post is about how proud I am of this girl. She could quite of easily given up. So many people questioned my why? But she had the discipline, determination and will power to keep going as she knew there was more on the other side. It’s wasn’t an easy feat either. So much comes up that needs healing when you stop drinking. I used alcohol to self sooth, to manage my emotions, to manage my stress levels, to celebrate. I used alcohol as a way of trying to get through life unscathed the irony as alcohol was the problem not the other things. Its a cycle of repeat, repeat, repeat and until you get off fully you can’t see the damage it does. As you don’t know what it feels like to be alcohol free.
It takes 6 to 8 months for the alcohol to come out of your system and that’s when your subconscious starts to release old trauma and wounds you have buried down so deep.
Flash backs happen has your brain starts functioning without being in a lower vibrational state and your awareness and consciousness start to explode. You start to recalibrate.
You have to learn to get to know yourself again on a whole new different level of thinking and your life changes because people and things that suited you before just won’t sit right with you anymore. As you respect yourself more, you have stronger boundaries and your world opens up to positive vibration.
While your drinking alcohol it doesn’t matter how much your only holding yourself back from being your true self.
Two years sober for me feels like fresh headed every day. No more hungover feelings or thoughts of why did I do that or why did I say this? No more running away from my emotions. I’ve learnt to sit with them and know they will pass. No more running away from things I know face things head on with confidence. I hold myself 100 percent accountable for me life and don’t blame others for my mistakes.
The Treatment Room 