I always used to say I want to be a perfect human, I didn’t realise for many years how much I was damaging myself with this view.

Social conditioning really gripped me from a young age if you were slim, beautiful, fitted into what was beautiful at that time, big boobs, big lips, Botox, false nails, false lashes, had a good job, nice clothes to wear, designer sunglasses, trips abroad posing with bottles of fizz, looked healthy, then you were successful and by being successful you would be accepted and loved. I didn’t know that this world wants you to feel less then so they can make money from your discomfort.

I say looked healthy as all these things are just what is on the outside. I’ve come to realised generally the people that try the hardest in all these areas are the people that are the most unhappy and in need of deep healing. I was one of them. Lost in a world of comparison.

When you stop trying so hard and work more on accepting yourself that’s when the deep healing starts.

My lost identity wasn’t my fault it was caused through social norms, conditioning and core wounds from growing up, but my healing is my responsibility.

I suffered really bad with acne and psoriasis for many year both were really bad.
The psoriasis started when I was a little girl I was covered head to toes. I haven’t ever talked about this before. It was so bad the other children wouldn’t come near me when I went swimming and it was more visible to see. I had plaque psoriasis which was not only physically painful but scared my emotionally. Nothing the doctor gave me would help and as a little girl I didn’t understand why I had it but no one else I knew had this. Thinking about this now I am so tearful but grateful for this little girl. So was so strong and brave. I never remember once getting upset about it even when it used to bleed and be sore.
Or when the other children would come near me because of it.
It finally cleared from me after seeing a herbalist or witch doctor she was called then. I drank thick black tar medicine I still remember the awful taste now all these years later.

I suffered really bad with acne and psoriasis for many year both were really bad.
The psoriasis started when I was a little girl I was covered head to toes. I haven’t ever talked about this before. It was so bad the other children wouldn’t come near me when I went swimming and it was more viable to see. I had plaque psoriasis which was not only physically painful but scared my emotionally. Nothing the doctor gave me would help and as a little girl I didn’t understand why I had it but no one else I knew had this. Thinking about this now I am so tearful but grateful for this little girl. So was so strong and brave. I never remember once getting upset about it even when it used to bleed and be sore.
Or when the other children would come near me because of it.
It finally cleared from me after seeing a herbalist or witch doctor she was called then. I drank thick black tar medicine I still remember the awful taste now all these years later.

Two spoonfuls everyday day. I cried then. But I worked and although I carried on having small flare ups into my teenage years and the odd flare up in my twenties psoriasis was something of my past.
Then came the acne to teach my my biggest lesson in life. Acne was and always has been my biggest teacher.
I started suffering with acne in my teenage years as most do but mine was much more aggressive and lasted.
I spent years and years on oral antibiotics from the GP that never helped but kept taking them as they used to says it can take months to clear.
My acne really affected my life and my confidence so much so I am still healing from the deep emotional scars.
Unless you have suffered with consistent acne you will never truly appreciate the pain and inner conflict this causes you.
Especially as a female it affected all areas of my life from relationships, to jobs, to self esteem, to my identity and it’s a vicious cycle.
Everyone told me it would clear up after my teenage years but it didn’t. I went on to suffer, from the age of 15 all the way through until I was 38. I hid it well but I was under the hospital with four courses of Roaccutane throughout my life each course worst then the last.
The hospitals don’t recommend more than two courses in an adults life. I paid private for the last three as the NHS refused to help after my first course because of how dangerous the drug is. With insight now I would never of touched the drug in the first place but you don’t know what you don’t know. Even writing this now I am feeling my heart start to beat faster with the anxiety and pain it caused me over many, many years.
This drug is linked to many suicides and mental health problems. But then so is suffering with chronic Acne.
To cut an extremely long and difficult story short I only healed my acne when I started to heal myself through self love and cutting out things that affected my life negatively. I started with a homeopath who explained to me many skin conditions stem from self love, self esteem and self worth it all starts with the self. ❤️

I stopped following all the beauty and fitness pages, all the celebrities that make you feel like you are not enough that had me feeling like I wasn’t enough.
I stopped hanging around with girls that were obsessed with getting work done ( to the outside) I relaxed my relationship with myself for the need to be perfect and decided to start spending my money on education and healing practices rather then clothes and treatments.
I spend more time in nature, covered in mud with horses and dogs rather than out for brunches.

I started doing this a few years before covid hit and this last year has only deepened my relationship with myself. I am still learning and growing and taking it step by step. But something amazing happened when I stopped all this stuff of trying to be perfect. I actually recognised myself for the first time in many years. Instead of seeing someone who needed to be slimmer, needs to have less wrinkles, needed to have that new dress or new shoes always thinking that the next new treatment would make me feel happy.

I found myself amongst all the hurt I had caused myself.

The relationship between yourself and your parents will be some of the biggest lessons you learn in your life.

Your scared contracts you sign or agree to before you reach this planet called earth 🌍

Some souls are older than others so they ask for more advanced deeper lessons. Although as we evolve into being more human the more time we spend on this planet somewhere along the line we seem to forget and lose track of what the deeper meaning is or the lesson.

It’s up to us to discover our dharma all over again. This is the lesson.

I lost track along the way. Even thou I entered this world a very old soul.

I forgot what is was to be human. I didn’t even want to breath when I entered the world on the 3rd April 1979 at 3.40pm. I had the cord wrapped to tightly around my neck. The nurses had to slap me so hard on my backside to make me breath.

My father was present for my birth.
Both souls willing me to breath take your first breath. As they were playing out their dharma, myself and my brother part of their plan.

I was always a daddies girl. As our soul shared many past life’s together. I knew this from the start.

It’s such a miracle that we are born what chances?? How unbelievable?? That we get to incarcerate. My dad was engaged to another women before my mum so I believe that my purpose to be here is a meant to be.

You incarcerated in this life time for a reason!

The mother wound and The father wound are the most hardest of life lessons we have to address. I always thought these lessons were to my disadvantage, for many years.

With my fathers passing, it finally hit me these scared soul contacts I share with them both are for my soul growth. Without these hard times, without the abandonment, without the heartache, without the tough love. I wouldn’t be who I am today.

I wouldn’t have experienced such valuable hard life lessons.

It hit me like a thunder bolt. The hardest times we went through were for the agreements we made to each other before we landed on planet Earth.

Everyone in your life past and present has agreed to be part of your soul growth and you with them. Always look for the lesson ✨

The mother – daughter bond is even more powerful than we thought.

The relationship that a girl shares with her mother can affect her sense of self esteem, self worth, sense of identity and her ability to make friends.

Children who are encouraged and praised, healthy praise. By their parents grow up to be confident individuals. If a child is not appreciated by her parents, she may seek validation from others.

When a girl is in her teenage years, she usually looks up to her mother. Her mother is her role model and she wishes to be like her. She gets her perfect image of a woman from her mother. But the relationship between a mother and daughter can go through many ups and downs. Many things can derail the relationship between mother and daughter. Temperaments, personality, experiences, hormones can all affect their relationship.

Healing the mother wound is a balance between acknowledging negative feelings such as anger and resentments and recognising that we may need to forgive our mother.

Express the pain
Love yourself
Develop self awareness
Parent yourself
Forgiveness

It would be convenient and easy if we could blame all our faults and failures on our mothers. But it wouldn’t be truthful and that’s because we all have a choice.

We can choose to take the steps to heal our own mother wound and make sure it’s not passed on. It’s a challenging journey but it’s the beginning of empowerment. 🌸🌸🌸

#themotherwound #healingyouremotionalself

I am currently studying Ancestral Healing this subject has been something I have been drawn to for many years. Always obsessed with my family tree and knowing what my ancestors went through in their lives.

Finally taking up the calling to dive a little deeper is transformational and so beautiful to honour the family that came before me.

Especially focusing on the female lines. To think that I was inside my grandmother makes so much sense to how we carry not only DNA but also in an energetic pattern of thoughts, emotions, illnesses and karma which can effect every part of a persons life. As females are born with all there eggs to produce.

So when my grandmother was carrying my mother she was also carrying me.

Choosing to heal Ancestral wounds is a truly beautiful offering to the world and ourselves. When we understand more of what our ancestors when through we become more connected to our own deep rooted feelings, emotions and sometimes triggers or fears.

We can hold trapped emotions in our body and not understand where they came from until we do it work.

Understanding your past and where you came from allows you to move forward with more knowing. Knowledge is power. Also it can stop you passing forward any unhealed trauma to future generations.

This is my mother’s, Mother, Grandma Jean unfortunately I don’t remember her as she died at age 50 of bone cancer when I was a baby. To know I carry her DNA is so special to me as I always feel her with me. I am told that I was her two eyes. She also suffered enormous grief in her life.
Grief is a huge part of both my family trees on both sides of my ancestors line.
Grief shows up in physical illness as heart attacks, lowers immunity, body aches and pains, digestive issues.

Your past is part of who you are, you have to acknowledge it.
It makes me sad that westerners unfortunately have forgotten our ancestral connections and see little relevance in what our distant family may have done it the past. We do. It realise that whatever has been done, felt or though is with us in our DNA and that we inherited all the energetic patterning.

If you don’t look at these patterns they will influence your life. 💜

How Dominant is your dark side?

Our shadow selves are those dark and mysterious places within us that have been refused to see the light.
The personality traits that we have rejected or suppressed.

Almost all of us are raised believing that we have to hide, repress or reject parts of ourselves that are unlovable, unacceptable or taboo.

The longer we repress parts of ourselves, the bigger the shadow grows. This can lead to problems such as drug and alcohol abuse, neuroticism, self hatred, dysfunctional relationships.

Lack of awareness of the shadow self and the disconnection from our true whole self can be so dangerous.

There are empowering qualities hidden in the shadow and we must integrate the shadow to grow.

My shadow self has been at play most of this weekend.

It’s not about learning how to concur the dark it’s more about learning how to embrace it.

My dark always humbles me, makes me more understanding of things people go through. It allows me to look at things differently than when I am in my light. My dark shows me where I need to heal and grow and where I still have lots of work to do.

My shadow ironically has my back more than my light as she always comes to play when I need to slow down or be kinder to myself. As my light is always pushing to go harder and be better. My shadow accepts me for what I am, not what I want to be, as my light always wants more for myself.

When you do shadow work you are doing the work of radical acceptance.

When things start to trigger you a lot it’s time to do shadow work. Sit with your shadow and listen to what it has to say to you. This is transformative work. It’s never easy or nice. It’s difficult but it’s imperative. My shadow is a bitch but I love her because she makes me grow.

shadowwork #shadowself #holdingspace #selfacceptance #thegiftofimperfection

As females we are so powerful and intuitive creatures is really blows my mind when I receive the messages loud and clear.

This morning as I was waking but not fully awake I got a download saying today you must rest fully totally just rest how nice it would be to do nothing all day. Stay in bed all day, relax, no pressure, do nothing this made me feel nice just the thought.

But it’s very unlike me as an Aries ♈️ I love getting things done I normally rise about 5.30am and get started with my day lists of to do things.

The last two weeks have been extremely hard, emotionally, mentally and physically on me. I’ve been going through the experience of losing my father which I am still processing. It doesn’t seem real. Writing helps me heal.

Then after the download message I drifted back off to sleep for a while before waking and then rising to get on with my normal day. Ten minutes in my moon flow started after being 12 days late. Due to the stress my body has been dealing with. I never suffer with moon flow pain today it’s hit me like a ton of bricks. I cannot move.

Our moon flow is something we need to listen to more closely as it shares deep messages from our soul from our ancestors. I unfortunately for most of my life regarded it as something to hide be ashamed of something that got in the way. I was never taught how beautiful and magical this time is.

I abused my body by taking birth control from the age of 16 right up until my 30s how awful that society does this to women. The damage took me years to repair on just physically but mentally and emotionally being switched off from your natural cycle is not normal or healthy.

I have never taken the day to sit with my moon flow and let the energy guide me. Until today she showed me I can no longer work again something so powerful. She raged so furiously I have no choice but to listen today.

Our bodies tell us everything we need to know if we look after them and keep them clear.

Since giving up alcohol, meat, dairy, medications and turning to holistic healing with herbs, whole foods, plant medicine, fasting, regular colonics the change has been so beautiful to hear the messages louder.

Keep facing your true north…. we all have our own direction. We are being tested at the moment….🦋 Work with some of your chakra systems your internal energy and guidance.
Root chakra stand tall, grounded rooted in your beliefs. Let the wind sway you but always be flexible but never let yourself be uprooted by someone else’s agenda.
Throat chakra speak your truth even if it pisses some people off.
Your truth is the essence of who you are. Don’t be afraid to speak up, don’t lose your voice it’s beautiful.

Sacral chakra trust your gut feeling, this is your true core. Your 1st 🧠 linked to your head and heart this guy never lies to us.
Heart chakra – lead with love and compassion. After all love rules the world.
Crown chakra- this is obviously the most prominent at the moment.
Connect to your higher self and a higher power trust the universe has your back. Spend time alone asking what you need to know or learn to push you forward to a new awakening not just in yourself and who you are it’s a new world we are birthing. 👑 #chakrahealing #chakras #befearless #awakening #staystrong #grounded #heartchakra 🦋

How am I ever going to be able to go back to work…. after living a dream for the past few weeks. It’s going to take a big adjustment.
I’ve lived in my bikinis for two months. Definitely not my normal work attire. I’ve done yoga and kettlebells everyday day.
Meditation much more than normal although I still struggle with this as I have a busy chimp mind and with a south node in Pisces ♓️ I’ve spent many lifetimes meditating 🧘‍♀️ so they say I don’t need to do it so much in this life time.

I’ve eaten healthy food every single day and at the same times. Rather than grabbing something on the go.
I’ve not being driving 3,000 miles every month so it’s helped with my mood and my aches and pains.
I’ve not been dealing with people, having to sort out problems and issues the joys of sales unfortunately. so my stress levels have been greatly decreased. Which in turn has helped with my mood and anxiety.
I’ve used this time to finish my life coaching diploma so I am now a fully qualified life coach!! I got my results Friday.
I’ve now enrolled to complete a meditation and mindfulness diploma.
I’ve done ✅ most of things that when I’m working full time I promise myself when every new month starts I am going to fit into my schedule but I never get around to doing or should I say doing consistently.

I’ve let go of always living in the future I’ve had to live in the day without planing events for next week or next month or even six months ahead as I normally do! A Virgo ♍️ rising.
I’ve stopped procrastinating about the what ifs and the maybes and the difference that has made has been huge. 💜

I know I have to go back to the real world 🌍 if you can call it that. Where we get told to do this, and do that, to achieve this and to achieve that….
I am definitely going to be making sure that the new habits, rituals, new found respect for myself and what’s important to me that I’ve learnt over the last few months I continue to develop and build on.

I learnt I don’t need so much stuff… I’ve learnt I only really need to go to the supermarket once a week.
I’ve learnt I don’t need all these endless beauty treatments or products.
I don’t need an amazon delivery every other day or endless amounts of new clothes.

This time to myself has been so important to my growth and the person I want to be going forward.
What has lockdown taught you? 💜

Natural healing from the wildflowers of the English countryside with @alexissmartflowerremedies
I have been using flower Remedies for quite a few years on and off from Dr Bach, The physician and pioneer in his field. He believed that the emotions affect physical health.

I’ve always been an emotional person being welsh we don’t hold back with any emotion be it love, sadness, hurt, anger. We share it all, very openly.
He view that the body has an innate, self healing mechanism.
His system contains 38 essences. Each essence addresses a specific issue in the emotional spectrum. They offer a safe and effective way to balance the emotions and relive stress, bringing us back into alignment with ourselves.
Over the last year have incorporated them into my daily practice.
Flower essences offer a mind body connection. Energy medicine.
The essences can work immediately in certain situations, but for long term issues it will take up to a month to see changes.
I love working with these magical creations.
I have experienced some beautiful changes since using essences regularly.
It’s always hard to explain how something helps you heal until you experience it yourself. Because the energies are subtle unless you are tuned into your own energy system you may find them difficult to understand.

I love them so much. I’ve been working with soul purpose the last two months to help give me clear guided direction of where I want to go next. And you ask do I know? YES 🦋 looking forward to working with Ganesh next for conference.
These are @alexissmartflowerremedies they are combination formulas she created. 🦋 #alexissmartflowerremedies #soulpurpose #ganesha #floweressencestherapy

Let’s talk yoni eggs 💜

Yoni egg practice helps us release emotions. One of the first shifts you often notice is a deep release of emotion. Our bodies hold a lot of emotion. Our vaginas are highly absorbent for both physically and energetically.
These powerful healing stones and crystals that are help within us to transmute and transform and bring up that which is ready to heal.
I sleep with mine and use with my dream time ritual.
Whatever emotion or trauma of held energies are invited to move through us.
As women we have physically held a collective history of feeling oppressed and shut down.
We are not always in touch with our pure sexual energy as years of conditioning of guilt, Shame the pornographer industry has damaged so much of people’s view of what is healthy. Sexual energy is the most powerful energy in planet earth when you are connected through pure sources not the darker sides you are in tune with source energy. This is so so powerful.
It will help you heal and be able to manifest whatever abundance your looking for.
There are so many benefits of using these beautiful crystal yoni eggs.
These are just a few of my favourites🦋
Reconnect to your sexuality.
Enhance creativity and power.
Heal last sexual trauma.
Release stagnant energy.
Promote hormonal balance.
Encourage healing dreams.
Increase power, frequency and duration of orgasms.

yonieggs #divinefeminine #sexualenergy #tantra #kundaliniawakening